I’ve spent thirty-five years watching coaches chase the latest shiny gadget, convinced that a £500 GPS vest strapped to a teenager’s back is going to tell them something their own eyes can’t. They’ll show you a graph with red spikes and call it “data,” but they completely miss the point of what’s actually happening on
I’ve seen enough “performance analysts” in shiny tracksuits try to sell clubs on expensive GPS vests and complicated data dashboards that require a degree in mathematics just to read a graph. It’s absolute nonsense. If you’re standing on a touchline in the middle of a freezing November afternoon, you don’t need a spreadsheet to tell
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve seen a coach standing there with a stopwatch and a clipboard, looking like they’ve cracked the code because a lad just ran a shuttle sprint in record time. They think they’ve mastered the art of conditioning, but let me tell you, a single sprint tells you nothing
I’ve spent more time on muddy touchlines than I have in my own living room, and if there’s one thing that makes my blood boil, it’s seeing a young keeper obsessed with fancy plyometric boxes and high-tech gym gadgets. I once watched a lad at my club spend three months perfecting his vertical leap in
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve stood on a touchline in a freezing drizzle, watching a lad come on in the 75th minute only to look like he’s just woken up from a long nap. You’ve seen it: the sub has spent the last hour huddled in a tracksuit, scrolling through Instagram or
I’ve spent more years than I care to admit standing on waterlogged touchlines, watching coaches try to solve the problem of a congested schedule by throwing more “high-performance” drills at their players. They see a heavy run of games and think the answer is a more intense conditioning block or some fancy, data-driven periodization model
I’ve spent thirty-five years watching lads try to fix their conditioning with expensive GPS trackers and high-tech interval programs that look great on a spreadsheet but fall apart the moment a winger starts sprinting at them in the mud. They think they can just buy their way back into shape, but let me tell you,
I can still feel the damp chill of a Tuesday evening in mid-November, standing on a pitch in East London where the frost was already turning the grass into something resembling a sheet of glass. I remember looking at a group of sixteen-year-olds, their breath blooming like smoke, and realizing that half my session was
I once watched a young lad, bright enough to play for the county, collapse on a baked training pitch because his coach was too busy staring at a tablet to notice the boy’s skin had gone the colour of a wet sheet. We’ve become obsessed with fancy electrolyte powders and high-tech wearable sensors that tell
I’ve spent thirty-five years standing on touchlines in the pouring rain, and if there is one thing I can’t stand, it’s the nonsense sold to coaches about “advanced electrolyte recovery protocols” and expensive, neon-coloured sports drinks. I once had a lad in my Under-16s, a brilliant player who could see a pass before it even